Additional security needed to keep methane off planes

Additional security needed to keep methane off planes

Time to create Federal Air Regulation Team.

Well here I go again, carefully reading all the media that I can get hold of and coming up with things that I’m sure most of you have never encountered and, if you did, would never expand on these things as I am able to do.

Let us begin. Just the other day the White House announced a wide ranging plan aimed at cutting methane emissions from oil and gas drillings, landfills and other sources, all part of President Barack Obama’s strategy to reduce greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to global warming. (This from the Miami Herald’s wire services.)

Has any thought been given to the amount of methane being generated by humans? I have, and frankly I am quite frightened by it. As anyone who has been in the Army or any other military service can tell you at one point someone will attempt to ignite the methane being expelled by someone in the barracks.

What would happen if someone loaded with methane were to sit next to you on your next airline flight? I doubt that they would attempt to ignite it but the other more obvious effects would certainly displease me as a passenger.

My recommendation to the United States government is that in addition to TSA they form another security group called Federal Air Regulation Team. We will figure an acronym for this in a future article, if I am allowed. I still await the day that TSA begins asking us to remove our underwear before boarding an aircraft. We did have an underwear bomber not so long ago.

Maybe my new Federal Air Regulation Team will be responsible for this aspect as well. Stay tuned!

The Florida Legislature might want to start a Florida air regulation team that could begin testing in crowded elevators and small rooms in Tallahassee. Of course they will need to take a break from their furious activities on behalf of the National Rifle Association or NRA for short.

Several weeks ago the Hartford Courant reported that Connecticut College researchers discovered that Oreos are as addictive to rats as is cocaine. When the study was expanded to include humans they found that eating more Oreo cookies activated more neurons in the brains pleasure center than morphine.

This explains why some people (me) can’t resist these foods despite the fact that they know they are bad for them. I can see a day coming in the future when Oreo dealers will be working the streets attempting to sell these cookies to children in school and get them hooked for life. The reason that Oreos were chosen rather than a high-fat and high sugar rat chow is because they specifically wanted to choose a food that was palatable to humans so that they could make a direct correlation from rats to a problem facing human beings. Now aren’t you glad that you started reading this article?

For all you other fatties out there, I read in a recent business report that there will be several snack delivery companies that promise to deliver snacks right to your mailbox on a regular basis so that you always have something either in front of you or on the way. One company already has 100,000 subscribers; another company delivers monthly boxes that contain 10 or 20 bags of snacks. Each bag weighs 4 to 6 ounces and contains what is supposed to be three to five servings.

General Mills has arranged for boxes that fit in mailboxes and will be delivered by the U.S. Postal Service. They have 59 snacks set up on a rotation basis including boxes of nuts or dried fruit but they intend to increase that number considerably. Delivery is weekly, every other week or once a month. Imagine the thrill of waiting for the mailman to deliver something other than a bunch of flyers advertising the latest sale on mattresses or whatever.

One more thing: Fighting with your spouse? A remedy might be eating a candy bar before beginning the argument. This was researched at University of North Carolina in Wilmington and presented at the proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Anger is the emotion that most people have difficulty controlling. Candy bars help to control that. I have been a great husband all these years without even realizing it.

To contact Ernie or read more go to his website at

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