In case you have been living under a canal in South Dade, that is about Congressman Anthony Weiner of New York and his organ displays on the Internet. As I write this, it was announced that he has decided to resign. What a shame.
In a short time he has become a household name and favorite of TV show hosts all over the world. He may have outdone Lindsay Lohan by now.
When I first took office as an elected official, one of my first duties was to sit with our town attorneys and be instructed on what to do and not do. Among the nots, was the advice not to send anything in an email, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that I didn’t want to see on the front page of the morning newspaper.
That advice may be good and bad. No one is sitting around a table discussing Ernie Sochin right now. Unless you are among the tens of readers of my column, you have probably never heard the name Sochin before.
I have made a decision. Rather than go through all the possible problems with the Internet I am going directly to the newspaper with my photo. Okay, girls, here is your chance to meet a genuine politician and know what he really looks like without going to your computer.
Of course the name Sochin is not going to get many laughs on the late night TV shows so I may change it to Frankfurter or perhaps Footlong, (as they were called in Coney Island — really) I imagine that would get me the fame I have long been seeking.
Oh, you worry for my wife? After 49 years of marriage she has not allowed me to date but perhaps once she becomes the famous Mrs. Frankfurter, she will change her mind.
I might start a whole new networking concept. You no longer need to “sneak” onto the Internet. Simply change your name and advertise in the newspapers. This solves two problems: It eliminates all the sliminess of the Internet and will help our struggling print media newspapers to survive.
I will let you know how my test works out. I expect tens of young women to be writing to the newspaper to learn how to contact me. You can also use my new email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I may be starting a new trend in government transparency, which everyone seems to want. Imagine if nude photos of all elected officials were posted on government websites. What more would there be to see? The intrigue would be gone and we could all get back to business.
As for politicians of the feminine persuasion, they too would have to comply as well as listing any after-market corrections to their anatomy. This would provide complete transparency and should please even the die-hards. I may propose this one day — after I am no longer in office, of course.