A while back I read a fascinating bestseller book called Jonathan Livingston Seagull by author Richard Bach. Being the renowned writer and columnist that I am I thought I might try doing the same thing.
I began by watching the buzzards, a type of vulture that inhabits our area this time of year. The first thing I noticed is that they seem to congregate on those big buildings downtown that are inhabited mostly by lawyers. I can’t figure the connection but maybe you can.
I also observed that they just seem to be having fun, catching updrafts and wind currents so that they can just float along. Some glider pilots that I have talked to tell me that they will follow the buzzards around because they are great at finding the winds that keep sailplanes aloft. They also seem to float overhead when I am playing tennis.
I usually yell up to them that I am not quite ready yet. I guess all they have to do is float around and enjoy themselves. When they get hungry they just swoop down and find a dead something-or-other and feast to their heart’s content. No waiting in line for a table or worrying about how much to tip.
You all have seen the cartoon showing several vultures on a telephone line and one saying to the other: “Wait, hell, I’m going to go down and kill something,” They do have choices.
Some of us wonder in what form we might return to earth after we pass on. A buzzard might be a good choice or perhaps any kind of bird. Imagine the fun they must have looking for a recently detailed Mercedes or BMW and letting loose right on the windshield at eye level. Wow!
You might want to come back as an elephant or hippopotamus. Why? Has anyone ever said to Dumbo or any of his family, “Gee, you look like you have been putting on weight.”
They don’t worry about clothes fitting a little too tight. They go around totally naked and no one arrests then for indecency or anything else.
Another choice might be a python. Picture having the entire Everglades to live in and feast on. The only drawback is a few hundred people who want to chop your head off, humanely of course, but they have to find you first.
I also might come back as one of the dogs in my neighborhood. They are spoiled worse than my grandchildren. All of the neighbors provide them with a continuous supply of various snacks, throw sticks and balls for them to chase, and love them all to death. Whenever I open my front door there are usually three or four of them waiting for a biscuit.
They can come back 10 minutes later with those sad eyes saying, “I haven’t had a treat for years… Please give me a biscuit.” I guess I will have to practice those eyes. My wife says I am already pretty good at whining.
Coming back as a cat might be alright provided that I was adopted by a kind old cat lady. Did you ever see how they dote on their cats? I might like being a white tiger at the zoo. What could be more relaxing than lying around all day with people admiring my beauty as I wait to be fed a huge hunk of meat?
Being a spider might be fun also. Being something so small and being able to scare the “blankety blank” out of huge people would be a tremendous ego boost
A quote from Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull:
“Jonathan Seagull discovered that boredom and fear and anger are the reasons that a gull’s life is so short, and with those gone from his thought, he lived a long fine life indeed.”
So, anyway, if you someday see me flying overhead, just wave hello and cover your windshield.