Parent Your Parents came into existence after I dealt with my own parents and realized there is no one agency or company that deals with the non-medical side of “growing old.”
The amount of legal work, CPA work, and residential home issues, facing Dad at the age of 90 as his wife’s mental health declined, was staggering. My father, like many husbands and dads, hid the severity of Mom’s dementia for several years. Finally, the kids realized he was being hit, scratched, screamed at by a person who looked like his wife but no longer was. We stepped in.
This is not an unusual scenario. Parents often will hide the severity of their own health or the health of their partner from the children. It’s the old, “I don’t want to be a burden” scenario. None of the kids lived close to Mom and Dad, so it was easy to do. I would fly in about once a month to check in on them and my brother would visit about once a quarter.
We both realized Mom was “slipping” and ignored it. Then we hired an aide to give Dad a break two or three times a week for three to four hours each time. We thought the situation had stabilized.
The kids threw Dad a 90th birthday party and family members arrived from throughout the USA — it was a great two-day event and Mom was on top of her game. However, on the last day when she kept trying to leave her own house, it hit me — she honestly had no idea who she was, where she was and why she was there.
My brother and I sprang into action. First we had to face Dad and tell him they were moving. Atlanta, home to his son, was chosen. We found an assisted living center convenient for my brother and his wife. Mom and Dad moved in and it becomes apparent that mother is in no way cognizant. She needs 24-hour care — this means Mom and Dad will live apart. It is gut-wrenching to separate a couple after 60 years of marriage. I am confident Dad resented us and it took a long time before he got used to it. Further, every time we went to visit Mom, she would want to come home with us.
Meanwhile, back in Houston, I am flying in weekly from Miami, going through a home that was lived in for over 30 years and deciding what to keep, what to sell, what to throw away. The house also had to be placed on the market. Another gut wrenching experience is looking at clothes your parents wore to fetes, church, weddings; reviewing photos of Dad as a young sailor in WWII, Mom and Dad leaving the church on their wedding day. It is not an easy process for anyone — the parent or the child.
In the middle of all this chaos, I realized there is no one place that seniors or their families can call for assistance. If you are physically ill there is an emergency room and hospital. When you need help with the “process of aging” there is no agency that will help you find a facility, nursing home, show you how to list your home, call a mover — and that realization gave birth to Parent Your Parents (parentyourparents.com).
Aging is not an easy path and one fraught with pitfalls and scammers. That is why it is so important that we make our parents and grandparents “last chapter” as easy as possible. At Parent Your Parents we have a team of robust professionals who cover the legal, medical, mental health, real estate needs and moving needs for families with aging loved ones.
Frances Reaves, Esq., a graduate of the University of Miami Law School, spent 10 years as a litigator/lobbyist. Today, she Is an accomplished business woman who, when her parents could no longer take care of themselves, learned the ins and outs of senior care (or the lack thereof). She founded Parent Your Parents to assist seniors and their children through the myriad pitfalls and options of “senior care” in the 21st Century. If you have any questions or comments contact Frances at hfrancesr@parentyourparents.com.
