You walk into the lobby and take a deep breath. How did you get here? Why is this necessary? How did my very competent “elders” all of a sudden need assistance living?
Other questions pop into your head: Will they be happy here? Will they be fed well? Will they like the people here? Change is coming and it is screaming down the train track right at you. Brake! You’re fine. There is so much you can do before you walk into that lobby. Ask yourself or your loved one:
A: Do the elders want to live near family or friends? If both are in the same location the question is moot. Otherwise, this question comes first. It’s not about you as the child. It’s about your parent’s quality of life. We all think Mom and Dad should be close to us, family, but that’s not necessarily what they want. If they have a life in a separate location and want to stay, keep them there. Today, with ride sharing companies, the ability to drive is not a necessity.
B: What are the important factors for your loved ones? Ask yourself — how long will it take to get them to their synagogue or church? How far is it to their favorite restaurant? You want options in food, activities and people.
C: How much money is there? Can Mom and Dad afford this on their own or will the kids have to assist financially? What other sources of moneys can be tapped? Are there VA benefits? Widow/widower benefits? Can social security disability come into play? What other bills need to be paid?
Lastly (but perhaps most important): Can this facility be trusted? We’ve all heard those horror stories of badly treated seniors. None of us want that happening to our parents. Again, there are resources, including companies, who assist in the search. You can also go online and look at ratings but I caution that more people complain than praise.
Bottom line: You will have to do some searching — online and in person. Peace of mind is what you want. The most important aspect of this is that you and your parents feel comfortable, secure and relevant.
Frances Reaves, Esq., a graduate of the University of Miami Law School, spent 10 years as a litigator/lobbyist. Today, she Is an accomplished business woman who, when her parents could no longer take care of themselves, learned the ins and outs of senior care (or the lack thereof). She founded Parent Your Parents to assist seniors and their children through the myriad pitfalls and options of “senior care” in the 21st Century. If you have any questions or comments contact Frances at hfrancesr@parentyourparents.com.
