Art of Subtlety


Being SubtleThe art of being subtle is a very important tool and trait to possess in all your relationships and interactions both personal and professional. It is the nuanced art of discretion, refinement and finesse.

If you master it and practice it you will be successful in your life and make yourself and others happy, which is and admirable and rewarding goal. It will also advance your career and finances. In your personal life it will enhance all your relationships and create a loving and respectful environment.

Instead of being obstreperous, harsh and strident try using a more sensitive and polite communication. Being polite is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of courtesy, wisdom, thoughtfulness and respect. try using subtle talk like, “It makes me upset when your report is late and incomplete.” “It forces me to reassess your commitment to your job and the success of the project. You might consider being subtle with your spouse, “I do not feel loved or respected when you do not look at me and respond when I am discussing something important with you.”

You can use something similar with a child, “It makes me very upset when you do not keep your room clean and your toys in order. Please straighten it up now.” When they are older, teach your children to be subtle in their sexuality. There is no need for them to be blatant which is just a desperate cry for attention. This will also teach them self-respect which will lead others to respect them.

Never denigrate an individual’s character with negative statements. Be especially aware of your interactions with your children and spouse and the potential harm you can do if you are not judicious in your remarks.

Sometimes, being subtle does not work and your message goes right over the other person’s head. Not everyone is astute or sophisticated enough to respond to subtlety. You must still address their behavior or change and improvement can never occur.

Subtlety is something you can like a flower in your garden. Learn to use the flower from your garden instead of the hammer from your tool box.

Patricia Frankis a Licensed Psychotherapist. She can be reached at 305-788-4864,

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