Am I going to place my mom in an Assisted Living Facility? No way!
Placing your parent in an assisted living facility is an extremely hard decision for every party involved.
Mom or Dad have been living in their home for 20-30-40 years. A home in which they knew every corner, every spot on the wall, and every neighbor they said hi to on their way through the lobby each morning.
For them to leave their place and go to some institution is tough, very tough.
No matter how beautiful the place is; amazing lobby, beautiful lamps on the ceiling, marble on the walls, smiling and friendly staff – nothing is going to replace their home of many years.
There is another piece to this puzzle – us. In addition to the important pieces listed above, we have another dilemma.
We love our parents, we know how hard they’ve worked to make our lives as best as humanly possible. How they didn’t sleep waiting for us to return home after a late-night party or how they waited for their daughter to deliver her first child, and everything other act of love they selflessly gave. But, now we have our own families, kids, jobs and cannot care for our parents 24/7. Now, we must make the decision of placing them in Assisted Living. We feel guilty – second guessing our decision thousands of times.
But, this is the reality and we must deal with it. God didn’t promise us that life was going to be easy.
Many, way too many, families are struggling and delaying making this decision month after month. We think that we are doing what’s best for our parents by doing everything we can to leave them in their homes even when they cannot take care of themselves.
We don’t want to admit it, but in reality, we are thinking about ourselves – we want to feel good.
When the time comes, we must take a clear and objective look at the situation. Of course, in some cases our parents can live at home with some help from a homecare agency, but the time comes when this is no longer the logical choice.
My close friend’s mother fell in her condo and was laying on the floor for two days before the Fire Department broke through the door and rescued her. She was hospitalized, got better, discharged and came back to her house. My question to her daughter was – “why don’t you want to place her in Assisted Living?” To which my friend answered – “no, that’s okay, she has a homecare agency taking care of her” … 3 hours a day every other day!
My next question is – what will happen if she falls again? Will she be able to wait two days for help to come while laying on the floor? Or, what exactly is she doing during the day between her aid’s visits? Does she have any social life, talk to other people, play games, listen to music? Just a few of the activities Assisted Living provides. And honestly, during her aid’s visit, how is she being entertained (besides laundry and cooking)? From my experience, most (not all) aids sit and play with their cellphones. Nobody is watching them – nobody is ensuring they give our parents the treatment they deserve.
After these important (and honestly obvious questions), my friend’s answer was…the usual – “my mom doesn’t want to leave her condo”. Sad.
When the situation is not objectively analyzed and the correct decision isn’t made, the
Best-case scenario is ending up in the hospital with broken bones. If they cannot completely recover due to old age we face the worst-case scenario – losing them.
Now, we must become ‘parents’ to our parents. There comes a time when we have to tell them what to do, as they used to tell us.
Talk to them, explain with love and understanding, make this transition as slowly as possible. The earlier we start this process, the less hurtful it will be for them and for us.
Our parents did everything possible to make us (their kids), happy, successful and safe. However, there comes a time when the roles are reversed, and all of a sudden, we find that our parents are not that “young” anymore. Now, we have to make them feel successful, happy, and safe.
As their children, we must decide whether it is safe to leave them at home, and if so how to make them safe there. On the other hand, we may decide that it is best if they move to an assisted living facility or nursing home. To place your parents in an assisted living facility is an extremely tough decision, both financially and most importantly emotionally, for both parents and us, their children. However, to protect them we must be responsible and, if needed, make this decision before it becomes too late.
We will discuss this tough and hot topic in the next issue of the Aventura News.
If our parents are still fortunate to be in a condition where they can continue to enjoy their home, we will discuss how to make them safe there as well.
This article is presented as a public service by: Prestige Care Aventura ALF- The Only Home Environment Assisted Living Facility in Aventura, Sunny Isles Beach and Hallandale. If you would like to schedule a tour or receive more information about Prestige Care Aventura ALF, please call at (305) 912-7799 or (954) 274-5879 or email at firstname.lastname@example.org, to visit their website go to: www.senioraventura.com