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“Wake up. It’s the first day of the rest of your life.”
My dad turned the lights on in my room, but I kept my eyes closed.
I had come to refer to Aug. 20, 2021 as the day my life in Miami would “expire. ” This began after I picked up a carton of milk labeled with the same date as my departure for college. Soon I would pack up my clothing, the blanket I couldn’t sleep without, and more books than I could realistically read during the academic year — and begin a life in Nashville, TN.
When my parents and little brother finished moving me into my closet-sized dorm, which I shared with another Miami native, everyone took turns saying goodbye. My dad handed me a stack of paper, titled “Things to Keep in Mind in College.” What followed was at once thoughtful, honest, and excessive.
Four years later, as I prepare to graduate from Vanderbilt University, I think daily of these two instances — of the letter and my father’s comment about the rest of my life beginning. Because, beyond the tips that alcohol is bad for me, boys can be mean, and school should be a priority, my dad seemed to say, “I’m excited for you.”
My parents miss me — this I know — but they make great efforts to lead with support and enthusiasm as I navigate my independent life. That is to say: when I am overwhelmed by living in a different state, making friends, my course load, extracurriculars, and the uncertainty of the future, my parents do not add to my burden. They don’t call incessantly or demand my attention; rather, they pick up on the first ring when I have time to talk and encourage exploring my passions.
My roommates answered similarly when I asked what their parents have done best in the last four years. One mentioned the care packages that her mom sends for each holiday, most fond of the heart-shaped stickers for Valentine’s Day. The other recounted the time her dad drove through a blizzard to retrieve her the moment she arrived at the airport. And my third roommate told me about the perfume gifted by her mom when she left; they used to share one bottle but her mom wanted her to have a piece of home in Nashville.
Parents, learn to celebrate your children from afar. Be fast to love them – to welcome them home, to offer advice gently, and to trust that you’ve given them tools for building decisions worthy of pride. Be even faster to forgive. Remind them of birthdays, which can be easy to forget, and that their strongest effort is all you ask of them — this, too, can be easy to forget when grades seem paramount. Your support is the greatest parting gift there is.
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