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Binge watching movies and TV series and original documentaries is a great antidote – or at least a comforting partner – for insomnia, a phenomenon I have never experienced before until I began chemotherapy in May. It turns out that injecting yourself with poison once a week can keep you lit up like a roman candle until the wee hours of the morning until the companion side of steroids wear off.
So being productive is best if at the very least it is not counterproductive. So it’s best to binge on streamed content versus what might be lurking in the fridge or the cupboard or even the dark recesses of an active mind.
Sure, I had some flirtation with binging when I needed to catch-up on early seasons of Downtown Abbey (spoiler alert, they kill Matthew), or got my royal fix with The Crown (one season left) or even the latest drop of such oldies but goodies like Suits (I am sensing an on-going theme here) or even the hilariously awkward Brooklyn 99 (crushing on Detective Diaz).
I even started watching The Lincoln Lawyer until I learned it was about a vintage car – not our 16th president. Alas.
But the mother of all binge opportunities for me the past 11 weeks has been the Sex and the City reboot – And Just Like That. Offered up in weekly morsels so as to keep you leaned in, the second season brought new characters, new story lines, and new (and at least one old) boyfriends. I rarely got to see the original when it debuted 20+ years ago as there was no HBO in the Trowbridge budget and well, only a few friends who were watching from scene one for the same reason (and the TBS reruns were bleeped so many times I had to learn to read lips).
As the 11th (and final) episode of Season 2 came to an end this past week – there was a strong theme of letting go of expectations. Not the traditional way that most of us prefer to embrace them (almost hug them too tight) in the greater context of our personal and professional lives, but more of a desire to temper what might or should be.
I have always lived in a world of expectations – starting with me, then family (Mother Trow), friends, life, success, health, humanity and rounding it out with work and even employees. These expectations are intertwined in the most visceral way possible and when one is out of sync, it can affect every other element profoundly. But letting go because I had to, made it real and true.
Over the past few months, as I have faced a health crisis like never before in my life, everything has come into greater focus. Kindness has overwhelmed me, but also reminded me that it takes only a little bit of effort to show it, embrace it, expect it and deliver it. I had lost sight of that at times with the demands of work, the frustrations that life emits and of course, interactions that were often anything but kind.
That’s on me as I have seen the very best in people – whose own expectations and compassion overflow in a way that is authentic, meaningful and so powerful. It has a healing affect and has given me strength like I never knew I had. After 12 rounds of chemotherapy, I see real progress thanks to this serving of benevolence. Yes, I am so grateful for the doctors, the nurses, the team at MCI, the drugs that I take daily/weekly and even the side-effects that make my feet swell, my insomnia rage and my appetite yo-yo. In my world, that means I am healing.
But I am also overwhelmed by the kindness shown by all of you which ultimately is the magic elixir that makes everything better.
And just like that…I am beginning to feel like myself again.
