Please wait; we have made changes to our telephone system and our menu options have changed!
How many times have you heard that? Generally it means that if you have had success using this particular phone number in the past it will not be so easy in the future: believe me!
Allow me to explain. I recently noticed one morning as I was getting into my car that the little transponder stuck to my windshield to take care of my tolls on the road was missing. I searched all over the car, under the seats, on the ground outside the car and it was nowhere to be found. Naturally I thought I could solve the problem by calling the company that issued this little gadget and that they would make sure that no one was able to use it fraudulently and that I would be able to purchase a new one.
Okay, so much for our menu options have changed because now I couldn’t get through to anyone. I immediately dug up all of the papers and documents from when I originally purchased this transponder and found still another phone number where the menu options have changed also, but I allowed for my very patient spouse to handle this end of my search. She immediately came back to me and told me that she was told that she would be online waiting for 67.5 hours until we could speak to an agent. My patient spouse was having none of this and neither was I.
The whole purpose of this was to save money going through the toll booths. In my day, now known as the “olden days,” there were little booths on the highways with a person behind a swinging gate so you actually could pay your car toll. Everyone at that time had a little change device or something similar to spit out the quarters, nickels, and dimes that were necessary to pay for the toll.
There was another advantage as you actually could get directions from the person behind that little swinging door. Believe me, I know that because I was always right behind someone asking for directions to Nova Scotia from Homestead.
Occasionally I would yell out “get a map… they are free.” No one ever heard me but at least I felt better. As you might surmise from my previous articles I am no longer a big fan of technology and prefer the simple life where, if you needed to make a phone call, you found a telephone booth and made it from there instead of driving down the highway at 80 mph trying to find someone’s number on your little tiny iPhone.
I don’t know whether this is true or not but someone told me that they were in a building with a shower and telephone buttons on the shower curtain so that they could make a call without leaving the shower. Wowee!
A telephone number used to be kind of a personal private thing that you only gave to people you knew or you would feel comfortable with them calling you. This of course would not have included the literally hundreds of calls I receive with various polls and advocating for some political candidate. I realize I did this myself for a time and I apologize to all of you who interrupted their lunch or dinner or whatever to hear me or my agent telling you what a great candidate I would be.
There must be a better way and the better way is not my mailbox loaded with very expensive full color cards and brochures that I can promise will not influence my vote but go ahead and do it because that is what is expected of you. When I was campaigning I thought my best tactic was actually going up to people in public locations, knocking on doors, attending rallies and debates, etc.
At least this way people could ask me questions that I had better be prepared to answer and it would give me a good idea of what was on the minds of the electorate. Oh, for the good old days!
By the way — if you feel compelled to call and tell me how much you enjoy my articles, bear in mind that my menu options have changed and I might have to charge you for trying to speak to me. At last I may have figured out a way to actually earn some money for all the hard work I put in.
