Advice for getting through a divorce


I think one of the most difficult things for me during this divorce is getting myself organized. I feel like I am always spinning my wheels and not being productive. I can’t even get to the bathroom in time.

Well, I like to see that you still have your sense of humor. Sometimes just being able to laugh at our situation is the only thing that we can do. In terms of feeling disorganized, please cut yourself some slack. You are navigating stormy, uncharted waters. Don’t expect so much of yourself. Take each day as it comes, one issue at a time as it limits the chance of you feeling overwhelmed. Set up a schedule for yourself so chores become routine on a certain day. Don’t over schedule your day as that will lead to frustration. Continue with life as it was normally. Try to get to the gym or your art class. Normalcy is key. Keep perspective; don’t turn everything into a crisis. In the totality of your life, this is one small segment and yes, this too shall pass. Keeping looking forward; you can’t change the past, but you can control the outcome of your future.


Someone mentioned that I should have an estate attorney as one of my “team” members for my divorce. Do I need one?

Here is your Dream Team: A damn good attorney, an accountant, an estate attorney, a divorce financial planner, a divorce life coach, a child psychologist and a good mediator. I hear people say that having all these people is costly, but each is worth their weight in gold. You might pay on the front end, but I assure you it will be far less than what you would pay on the back end in time, money and stress.


I am stuck!! I cannot get to the place where I forgive my ex and his mistress. I feel like it is eating me up from the inside out. I’ve tried everything, please help.

Forgiveness has to be one of the hardest things to overcome in a divorce, especially if there was infidelity and you have to constantly look at this woman. Your wounds do not have time to close before they are opened up again by her presence. What I am going to say, you’re not going to like. Forgiveness is a choice. Plain and simple. If you don’t find forgiveness, it will literally eat you up inside and make you ugly on the outside. Have you ever seen a divorced woman who can’t get past the whole “injustice of it all” thing? She looks dried up and ugly. Choose that what lies ahead is more important to you than your past. Process through your hurt and realize you are not in any way getting back at him or her by not being able to move forward. Are they really worth your life? Make peace with your past.


Note to Self:  Time heals all wounds, but it’s your faith and inner strength that heals your life. — Rita Hunt

Debbie’s LibraryTotal Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall


Debbie Martinez is a Certified Divorce Life Coach. She has given workshops on divorce and women’s issues and has offices in South Miami. For more information, call 305-984-5121 or go to <>.

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