Advice for getting through a divorce

I have been divorced for over a year and everyone is telling me I need to get back out there. Is a year enough time or should I wait longer? After a divorce, there is an adjustment period in all areas of one’s life and dating is part of the pie. How much time one should wait is completely up to the individual. Rather than ask yourself if you have waited an appropriate amount of time, ask the following question, “Am I ready to date?”

Have you let go enough to be a good, interesting partner to someone? Going on a date and only discussing your ex is a pretty good indication that you are not ready. Have you done the work you need to do to be whole and will dating interfere with your personal growth? Be clear on why you want to date. Is it for companionship with no relationship ties? Friendship and no sex? Long term and/or marriage in the game plan? If you are clear with your needs, then you can be fair with your new partner by making it clear to him/her. Look at the age and needs of your children and whether you are capable of balancing it at the present time.

Part of being single and living life to its fullest is jumping back into the dating ring; but just be sure your timing isn’t based on a calendar. Be patient and clear in your mind, and everything will fall into place.

I have been dating a guy for three months and he says he is still not sure what he wants. I’ve tried everything to help him make up his mind, but we are still at the same spot. What else can I do?

Walk away. It is not your job to “help” him decide whether he wants to be with you. Do you really want to be with someone you had to talk into it? I know it sounds simple, but you don’t want someone who is on the fence about whether they want to be with you; rather, someone who will jump over the fence to be with you. Chew on that for a while.

Note to Self:

How I view myself and what I deserve is how others will treat me

Debbie’s Library –

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn Schiraldi

Debbie Martinez is a Certified Life Coach specializing in divorce, relationships and women’s issues. She has offices in South Miami. For more information, go to <www.thepowerofdivorcecoach. com> or call 305- 984-5121.

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