I saw and heard it first hand.
I just finished my first two weeks of substitute teaching at all levels and will say, the sexual assault culture is alive and well and must be addressed immediately.
Consent has always meant and will always mean the same thing: permission, approval, and agreement.
Disclaimer: Do not think that “my child would never be accused of sexual assault.” I can’t stress this enough – once he/or she has stepped over the line, it’s over. If the sexual assault conversation about our kids bothers you, it’d be best if you stop reading now.
Choosing to act as though an issue doesn’t exist simply because your student would never “do it” makes you personally part of the problem
Imagine a girl or boy in school walking down the halls, when suddenly they hear catcalls, and sexual comments that follow after they have been asked to stop making crude comments. Guess what? You don’t have to imagine, because this happens in real time every day in our schools.
Our kids drink, use drugs, vape, etc. This impairs their judgment. Imagine the sadness of arguing whether a rape victim “brought it” upon themselves when they got drunk at a party and passed out, unaware of what was happening to them.
What does “sexual assault” actually mean?
According to the United States Department of Justice, sexual assault is “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” Sexual assault is basically an umbrella term that includes sexual activities such as unwanted touching, fondling, attempted rape and rape.
The feeling of being touched against your will never goes away. Because the pain you felt in the moment and the pain you felt when it was over will nag at you for the rest of your life. That is the fate of a victim.
And it’s important to keep this in mind: “know that it’s it’s NEVER the victim’s fault—ever.”
There is a difference between yes and no…and it’s not open for interpretation.
Now, think about the words “yes” and “no”. We’ve been saying them for as long as we can remember; from the moment we could speak and understand. To say yes is to agree. To say no is to disagree.
And all the little phrases that we use between, like “I don’t want to” or “not right now” or “of course” or “all right” all mean the same thing.
So why then is it so hard to understand the meaning of yes and no when it comes to consent?
You’ll be surprised (or maybe not) at how many times sexual assaulters have argued that “they were unsure” of what the victim meant when they said, “I don’t want to” or “not right now.”
There is absolutely no way either of those phrases can be translated to “yes.” But at some point society has made it okay for people to believe that “I don’t want to” or “not right now” isn’t enough of a reason. It is. It is more than enough of a reason.
Simply having the gut feeling that tells you no is enough to justify every choice you will ever make for the rest of your life.
Sexual abuse prevention advocates say lessons need to be taught earlier instead of later and that waiting until high school or college is just way too late.
It just makes sense when kids go through puberty, that’s when their ideas about sex and beliefs and behaviors are forming, so that’s really a critical period.
So again, let’s review again. No means no when it comes to consent –end of lesson!
This column is by Ritchie Lucas, Founder of The Student Success Project and Think Factory Marketing. He can be reached at 305-788-4105 or via email at ritchie@thinkfactory.com and on Facebook and You Tube as The Student Success Project.
