I finally have reached the stage of life where it might be impossible for me to obtain a 30-year mortgage. As a matter of fact my friends have advised that I no longer buy green bananas. Figure it out.
This, of course, is an indication of my advancing age — and it is advancing. Not long ago I visited my financial advisor and she, in her most polished form, drew a chart terminating on a particular date which is when all of my money will run out if I continue living at my present level. Talk about a death panel, how much more predictable would that be than this.
Even factoring in using cat food in the future, which I am told is not too different than tuna fish, I still am committed to leave this earth on a particular day.
I recently visited one of the many many doctors that us older folks are required to see on a regular basis. Their main purpose seems to be supporting the pharmaceutical industry because each one seems to think that I am missing some pills that will help keep me alive for a few more years. On my last visit I was advised, scratch that, told to stop drinking coffee, give up my few beers each week and cut out my exercise routine because it might result in some type of negative outcome.
I recently watched a 60 Minutes TV show, where they interviewed a bunch of people that somehow were living well into their nineties. Their secret… They all drink at least two cups of coffee a day and have at least one alcoholic beverage each day, and made sure that rather than losing weight they were gaining weight in their declining years. I don’t know who their doctors are but I certainly want to find them.
I really try to keep up with all the latest things that are good for you. I did give up smoking and, if nothing else, that has saved me a good deal of money. Has anyone seen the prices of cigarettes lately?
There was a time when eggs were considered instant death. Supposedly they raised your cholesterol and you would be unable to survive if you continued eating them. Now they say cholesterol is not so bad after all and eggs might be good for you because of the protein that they offer. Go figure.
One of the things that everyone agrees on as far as limiting your lifespan is stress. Boy, do I have my share of that. I recently experienced a knee replacement, two computer crashes, a flooded house caused by a leaky toilet tank, a broken down car with a faulty transmission computer, a golf cart with a problem yet to be resolved, a telescope that somehow fell over at 2 o’clock in the morning making it impossible to use until a neighbor was able to help me repair it, and a few other assorted things guaranteed to add stress to my life.
Right now I have one major concern. I truly expect to be standing in line at the Pearly Gates and being asked for my username and password before I gain admission. Of course I will have forgotten them by then and with my luck someone will have hijacked my name and take my place in heaven. If I don’t show up there it is not because I have not been good all my life but rather the sin of not having my password available when needed. Oh, boy!