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The month of December is characterized by waiting. Traditionally, many of us wait for much-anticipated occurrences: winter break; welcoming children home from college or out-of-town relatives and friends for a visit; celebrating religious holidays and gift-giving.
Because we know what we are waiting for, we generally pass the time with meaningful activities that help us to be ready — perhaps decorating the house, going shopping, or filling the freezer with treats. The days go by and our excitement builds — why, in some cases, the waiting can be as fun as the events themselves.
Waiting takes on a different aura, however, when an outcome is uncertain — something is coming, but we don’t know exactly what it is, or how it will affect us. It might be waiting for a biopsy result. Waiting on someone’s response to being in a relationship with us. Or it might be waiting for a holiday season impacted by a potentially deadly virus named COVID-19.
Pandemic living has forced all of us to wait with that pit in our stomach named uncertainty.
We’ve learned how to minimize the spread of the virus, yet we don’t know if we’ll escape its infection. We know a vaccine is being released, yet COVID is spiking as we wait to learn how and when it will be made widely available. Rather than creating a time of excitement and delight over coming events, December, for many of us, is breeding anxiety and disappointment.
Much as we like to image ourselves as in control, the fact is our lives always feature a degree of uncertainty. Life may, or may not, unfold according to our plans. How can we wait when the future feels unsteady and potentially threatening? How can we cope, when
we don’t know what to expect?
First, give voice to your concerns — in other words, join with a trusted friend and talk about what seems uncertain or ominous. Naming it is the first step towards understanding why the waiting is so hard. For only then can you unpack your feelings and run through possible scenarios in your mind. With the help of a caring listener you can develop a game plan for how to handle potential outcomes.
Next, find the routines that are reassuring and focus on the comfort they bring. For among the many things that might feel out of control, other aspects of life are reliable. It might be as simple as the morning coffee you savor or the way your pet always loves you. It might be the telephone call you can count on from a friend or the beauty you behold on a morning walk.
Routines ground us and give us something to cling to as we face that which unsettles us. We cannot change the reality of uncertainty, but we can learn to wait with a greater sense of peace.
Kathryn Carroll offers one-on-one coaching, listening and support for individuals facing transitions and dilemmas. Learn more by visiting www.conversationswithkatie.org or emailing her at conversationswithkatie@gmail.com.
