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In search of a classic Miami bagel, all roads led south as a panel of blind tasting experts assembled to (re)discover who had put in the work.
Not wishing to get into the weeds here, once upon a time, Miami Beach was the center of some serious delicatessen business. Places like Wolfie’s and the Rascal House drew throngs of skilled complainers fresh off the boat from New York. (Okay, they drove big cars.) They are all long gone.
That said, the bagel has survived and flourished. Robert Sietsema, admired critic from New York City, wrote it this way: The bagel may or may not have been invented by Germans living in Poland in the 14th century, but here it’s associated with Jewish American cuisine, as well as being one of the city’s most iconic foods. Revered by people all over the country, it’s rare to find a faithful duplication elsewhere. True bagels are boiled briefly before being baked. (Turn one over: If it has a grid pattern on the bottom, it was first steamed rather than boiled, and is not a true bagel.) Chewy, glutinous, and highly caloric, one’s a meal and a very satisfying one, especially when schmeared with cream cheese and layered with lox or another form of cured fish.
Our focus was purely traditional. We blind tasted plain and sesame bagels from House of Bagels & Bialys, The Original Lots of Lox, Roasters ‘N Toasters Pinecrest, Einstein Bros.
Bagels, Bagel Emporium & Grille, Coral Bagels, Outrageous Bagel Co. and Bagel Express.
Cowardly as it may seem, all of them were edible. Yet we all agreed on a few things. We thought the sesame bagel from Roasters ‘N Toasters looked under cooked but tasted better than the rest. We all agreed that Einstein Bros. tasted unlike any of the others – more like cake than a bagel. Coral Bagels were the most expensive, and the Bagel Emporium was still in partial COVID mode. Lots of Lox bested House of Bagels and remains more affordable than the rest, still providing a Greek Jewish deli hybrid.
However, in the end, two Kendall drive spots were the winners. Bagel Express has been in business for 30 years as the owner will remind you in his entertaining responses to criticism on Google reviews. He says it plainly. If you whine – do them a favor and don’t come back. If it’s classic and authentic you are seeking – plain, poppy, sesame, etc., this is it. But don’t expect to find everything available at closing time. When they sell out of something, it’s gone.
Outrageous Bagels was the other spot we liked best, as it manages the classics well, and offers lots of experimental things too, like guava or triple cinnamon, which leads me to this.
Food fads come and go. Things change. How many people thought that when the cinnamon raisin bagel was invented, centuries of Jewish culture were destroyed and life as we knew it had changed? But then our children ordered them – blueberry, sun dried tomato, and asiago. Perhaps I exaggerate.
Nouveau places like Wynwood’s El Bagel are both rule followers and exceptions. They provide the strangest bagel experiences in Miami, thanks to good chewy bagels and the lunacy they stuff inside the bagel, like guava marmalade, plain cream cheese, papitas (potato stix), and a fried egg. LNB Grovestand’s bagel blasphemy is even crazier; their signature, Sunday only Turmeric Everything Bagel with Scallion Cream Cheese for $5. Not classic!
Nevertheless, if all else fails in the quest for a great classic bagel, and you are caught craving well after all these establishments close, drop by Milam’s and pick up a reasonable facsimile – the Original wrapped in plastic. It isn’t bad.
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